If you are reading this; wow! I have a reader! Thank you! I am truly honored.
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jennifer. I am here because catastrophic forces in my personal life have spurred me to develop an outlet… and a mission. To grow. To hope. To inspire myself and to inspire others.
Of course I will share with you the details of the catastrophic changes that led me here. How interesting would reading this be without the nitty-gritty details?
The “fun” (sarcasm intended) began just a little over a month ago. Picture a woman, 38 weeks pregnant, with a 9-year-old daughter and almost 2-year-old son to keep her a busy stay-at-home mom. In what she believed to be a typical marriage complete with ups, downs, and comfortable plateaus. This is me until about 10:30 p.m. on July 16th, 2011. Then everything changed and before I knew it, the life I had known was over.
It started with a phone call to my husband to see where he was. He was supposed to have gone to a movie by himself after what had apparently been a rough day at work (thus his reason for wanting to have some alone, decompression time). The deal was he was supposed to stay in touch since his wife (me) could go into labor at any time. So I called. He didn’t answer. Strange. I called again about 45 minutes later. He answered. Our conversation went something like this.
Me: Hey where are you?
Him: At the beach.
Me: What? At 10:30 at night? What happened to the movies?
(Cue female voice in the background.)
Me: Who are you with?
Him: I’m not going to tell you.
Me: You have got to be kidding me!
It gets a little blurry from then on. There was so much emotion flooding my body that I just can’t remember exactly what was said. I do know that he informed me that he did not want to be married to me anymore. That he was with someone who made him “feel good”. We just weren’t right for one another…..oh and, I should have known that this was coming. (Shame on ME, right?)
I gave birth to our son 13 days later. 3 days after that we were in the divorce lawyer’s office. Here I am now.
I have been on an emotional roller coaster of a ride since then. There have been times that I have laid on the floor feeling like my chest was caving in because there was too much pain. I have been angry to the point of destroying some of his belongings. I have cried, screamed, laughed hysterically, thrown up, slept for hours and hours on end, stayed awake for 2 days straight, prayed to God for strength….and repeat.
But I have also grown as a human being. I have had some real saving graces.
Some of the women in my life tied a knot at the end of my rope and helped me to hang on. Thank you Danielle, Thank you Mom, Thank you Liberty. Thank you Sarah. Thank you Karen. Thank you Aunt Judy. Thank you Kathy. Thank you Monica. Thank you for calling me when you didn’t really know what to say. Thank you of coming over to my house and simply sitting with me so I wouldn’t be alone. Thank you for lending me some of your strength. It has been through all of you that I have witnessed the power of women when they rally around one of their own and offer amazing unconditional support. A miraculous thing.
I have learned how to pray. I have learned to trust in God even though I do not understand Him.
I have read. A lot. With almost daily trips to the library, I have found an almost limitless supply of wisdom through authors who have been open and gracious enough to teach through their own stories. I wish I could go up to them all and thank them for sharing a piece of themselves.
I am learning to be more self-aware, and to be more aware of the world around me. I am learning that the world around us can be surprisingly spectacular. Sometimes though the brilliance of the people around us and the great things that the world has to offer are difficult to notice, especially when we are going through hard times. So that is the inspiration of my new mission. To seek out good things and good people and share them and what they have to teach with the world via this medium.
Life is a journey. And I am honored that you are sharing it with me.
Until Next Time.